EMDR for Pet Loss

If you’ve lost a pet, you might be surprised at just how much it hurts. Not just a little sad but like you’ve been completely knocked off your feet. It’s the kind of grief that hits when you walk into a quiet house, reach for a leash that’s no longer there, or notice the empty spot where they always slept. It can be the kind of grief that feels too difficult to talk about, and on top of that, there’s often a question of “Why is this affecting me so much?”

Know that you’re not alone or overreacting if you’ve asked yourself this. Losing a pet can leave a hole that feels enormous because according to RSPCA, pets aren’t just pets, they’re family.

Why Losing a Pet Can Feel So Devastating

For a lot of us, a pet isn’t “just a pet.” According to Science Focus, grieving a pet can be just as difficult as grieving a family member. They’re part of your day-to-day life—there when you wake up, there when you come home, there on the couch while you binge-watch your favorite show. They pick up on your moods—good days, bad days, stressed-out days—and can make your day better just by being there without questions or judgment.

Sometimes, a pet is the only thing who makes you feel truly safe and loved. When they’re gone, it’s not just about missing them but missing life with them. Losing that kind of presence can hit harder than you thought it would.

Getting Stuck on the Ending

One of the most painful parts of pet loss is how often the mind gets stuck on the end:

• The emergency vet visit.
• The slow decline.
• The moment you had to decide it was time.

You might replay those moments over and over, wondering:

• Did I miss something?
• Did I wait too long?
• Did I let them go too soon?

These thoughts can feel like they just won’t quit, no matter how much sense you try to make of them. Even when you logically know you did your best, your mind keeps going over it. That doesn’t mean you messed up. It just means the loss hit hard, and your brain is still trying to figure it out.

When Grief Doesn’t Ease With Time

Folks often assume grief slowly fades on its own, but sometimes it doesn’t. According to Psychology Today, pet loss is often a disenfranchised grief, meaning society doesn’t fully acknowledge the depth of the loss. The grief from losing a pet can affect your mental health, according to Lorann Stallones (1994). You might notice that weeks or months later:

• Thinking about your pet still feels unbearable
• Certain memories hit you like a punch to the chest
• You avoid reminders because they hurt too much
• You feel numb instead of sad
• You wonder why you’re “not over it yet”

This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you but often means the loss never fully settled and is still right under the surface.

How EMDR Can Help With Pet Loss

EMDR, or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, is a way to help your mind work through memories that feel raw or overwhelming so they don’t take over your day-to-day life. Losing a pet can leave you replaying the hardest moments over and over—the last vet visit, the decision to say goodbye, or even just small, everyday memories that suddenly feel too painful. EMDR helps you face those moments in a safe, supported way so they can start to feel less intense and all-consuming.

Instead of having to talk about the loss over and over or relive it every time it pops into your mind, EMDR lets you focus on the parts that feel “stuck.” Over time, the memories may still be there, but they don’t hit as hard or make you feel overwhelmed.

People often describe it like this:
“I can think about it now without falling apart.”

The point isn’t to get rid of your grief, your love, or the connection you had. It’s about easing the pain so that your love, memories, and happy moments can exist alongside the sadness

After working through pet loss with EMDR, many folks notice things like:

• The memories don’t feel as sharp
• The guilt quiets down
• The sadness comes in waves instead of floods
• They can remember good moments again
• They feel more at peace with the choices they made

The love and memories are still with you; the grief just doesn’t hit as hard anymore.

“If the Pain Lessens, Will I Lose the Connection?”

I know a lot of folks worry about this, even if they don’t say it out loud. Sometimes the pain of losing a pet feels like the only thing keeping them close, and there’s a fear that if the grief ever eases, the bond you shared will disappear too. But that’s not how it works. Over time, the heaviness of the pain starts to step back, and the good memories and love you have for your pet become easier to feel. You can miss them, but it won’t leave you feeling completely undone and overwhelmed with sadness. Letting the grief ease up doesn’t mean you care any less; it just makes it easier to handle.

When Pet Loss Brings Up Other Losses

Losing a pet can sometimes bring up old, buried feelings—stuff from childhood, past relationships, or times you felt alone or responsible for someone else. Those memories can sneak up on you, making your grief feel even bigger. The upside is that dealing with your pet’s loss can help some of those older feelings calm down too, usually without having to relive all the details, and it can leave you feeling a bit lighter.

You Don’t Have to Grieve a Certain Way

There’s no right timeline for grief, no correct amount of sadness, and no “right” way to miss someone you loved. If your heart feels heavy, lonely, or stuck, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, but it shows how much it mattered to you. If you’re reading this and thinking, “This is exactly how I feel,” know that your grief makes sense. The depth of your sadness is proof of how much you loved, and that love doesn’t go away just because the pain eases a little.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting your pet. It means learning how to carry the love without so much hurt. Schedule a free consultation with the EMDR Center of Denver to learn if EMDR might be helpful for you.

For more research on EMDR for pet loss:

EMDR Treatment of Grief and Mourning