Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it’s just not enough? Like you have to keep pushing yourself to be better, do more, or fix every little thing—because anything less feels like failure? Maybe you find yourself double-checking or redoing tasks over and over, worrying that you missed something. Or you beat yourself up over the tiniest mistake, even when no one else noticed it. You might even feel like your worth depends on always getting it right—being the best, staying in control, or never showing any flaws.
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re definitely not alone. So many people struggle with this constant pressure to be perfect, and it can be exhausting. It can affect your work, your relationships, your health—even the way you see yourself.
But here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to be this way. There’s a therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) that’s been shown through research to really help with this. EMDR helps people get to the root of these perfectionist patterns—often tied to past experiences where they felt not good enough, judged, or like they had to earn love or approval. Instead of just talking through these things, EMDR works through those memories and helps release them.
People who go through EMDR often say they feel lighter, calmer, and more confident. They stop being so hard on themselves. They can make mistakes without spiraling. 
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism isn’t just about trying to do your best or become better—it goes way deeper than that. It’s constant pressure to be perfect all the time, like your value as a person depends on how well you perform, how much you achieve, or how few mistakes you make.
People who deal with perfectionism tend to be really hard on themselves. Even tiny slip-ups can feel like a big failure. You might lie awake at night replaying something you said, or avoid starting something new because you’re afraid you won’t do it perfectly. Maybe you put off important tasks because the fear of messing up feels overwhelming.
This kind of thinking can take a real toll. It creates a lot of stress and anxiety. It can lead to procrastination because you’re afraid to not do something right. Over time, perfectionism can make you feel burned out, emotionally drained, or even depressed. It can also make it hard to connect with others or hold you back from trying new things.
Perfectionism often starts in childhood. Maybe you were only praised when you succeeded—got straight A’s, won awards, followed all the rules—or maybe you were criticized when you made a mistake, even if it was small. Over time, your brain starts to connect your worth with being perfect. It learns: “I have to get it right every time if I want to be loved, accepted, or safe.”
The good news is that once you start to understand where perfectionism comes from, it’s possible to change how you respond to it and how you see yourself.
What Is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence-based therapy initially developed to treat trauma and PTSD but has sense proven highly effective for depression, anger, and anxiety. EMDR helps folks process painful memories and negative beliefs about yourself to bring relief and help better create the life you want.
Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (such as side-to-side eye movements, tapping, or sounds) to help the brain process unresolved pain and trauma. The therapy follows an eight-phase protocol that includes history-taking, preparation, and reprocessing of painful memories with the help of a trained therapist. It often works to bring healing and relief much quicker and more fully than other traditional therapies.
How Does EMDR Help with Perfectionism?
Perfectionism usually comes from past experiences, like being judged harshly, feeling like you had to earn love, or being compared to others. These moments can leave lasting beliefs in your mind, like:
- “I’m only lovable if I’m the best.”
- “Mistakes mean I’m a failure.”
- “If I’m not perfect, I’ll be rejected.”
EMDR helps you go back to those old memories and process them, so they no longer affect you in the same way. You start to see those moments differently, like thinking “I was trying my best” or “I was just a kid”.
As you process these old beliefs, your inner critic starts to quiet down. You begin to feel more comfortable being yourself, and making mistakes doesn’t feel like the end of the world anymore.
A lot of folks already know that perfection isn’t realistic, but just knowing it doesn’t always help you feel it. That’s where EMDR can help to create healthier thoughts like:
- “I’m enough, even when I’m not perfect.”
- “It’s okay to try, even if I don’t succeed.”
- “I don’t have to prove myself all the time.”
Instead of just managing perfectionism with positive thinking or willpower, EMDR gets to the root of it. As this happens, folks often say they feel lighter, more relaxed, and more confident. They don’t need to overthink or second-guess everything, and they feel like they can just be themselves.
If you’re tired of the pressure, the inner critic, and the constant feeling of “not enough,” reach out to the EMDR Center of Denver to schedule your free consultation to determine if EMDR might be a good fit for you.
For more research on EMDR for perfectionism and related struggles:
Gessica Cross, LCSW
Gessica Cross has helped people find greater joy and healing from prior trauma, anxiety, and depression, as well as processing grief and life transitions. She is formally trained in EMDR and graduated with a Master’s in Social Work from the University of Illinois with honors. She moved to Colorado after completing a post-graduate fellowship in India in which she provided pro bono work among survivors of kidnapping, abduction, and human slavery. She has specialized in helping people recover from situations of trauma, depression, and anxiety for the last ten years. She is excited to work with you!